i found a bunch of these at the bottom of a comic i was reading. and it made me think of here so i decided thats what I'd do.
"I wish my lawn was emo so that it would cut itself."
~ Nu Lucrezia
"Most men do not mature, they simply grow taller." ~Leo Rosten (1908 - )
Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant "idiot".
-- (Terry Pratchett, The Colour of Magic)
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
Emo Philips
"In God we trust; all others must pay cash."
~ Unknown
"Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling."
~Unknown
"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees."
~David Letterman
"And then the country went around blowing people up, which was a bit anti-social."
~ a Scottish Proffesor
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
~ Emo Phillips
"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
~ Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
"New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him."
~Emo Philips
